Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others



Marianne WilliamsonFrom her book Return To Love 

Think About It

Found an very thought provoking quote today.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

-M. Scott Peck

The Journey

A few good quotes to wake up your brain... these quotes from a article by J.J. Abrams on The Magic of Mystery speak to me as I do some personal reflection.

"That is to say, the experience—the setup for a joke's punch line, the buildup to a magic trick's big flourish—is as much of a thrill as the result. There's discovery to be made and wonder to be had on the journey that not only enrich the ending but in many ways define it."

"The point is, we should never underestimate process. The experience of the doing really is everything. The ending should be the end of that experience, not the experience itself."

As I think about the shorter people in my house and how different life is for them than it was not very long ago, it makes me wonder about this age of instant gratification. Just a couple nights ago, as Bryce and I were watching Jon and Kate plus 8, I kept hitting the info button or scrolling through the Guide on commercials, I was trying to explain to Bryce about how we used to look for shows in the TV Guide or newspaper. How weird that he has never known a tv that you couldn't just press a button and pull up the Guide.

Earth Day

Reflecting on Earth Day, a few thoughts come to mind. First off, camp! I have always loved camp. I had the opportunity (thanks, mom and dad) to attend summer camp every summer since I was 6 years old. Nothing is much better than getting away to nature to focus on God, focus on friendships, and appreciate the Earth. As a 5th grade teacher in Plano, I spent many weeks at Camp Classen with my students and fellow teachers. The backdrop of Oklahoma mountains created so many teachable moments. I learned so much and it "stuck". Hopefully it "stuck" with the students, too. Secondly, Who can think of Earth Day without thinking of trees. When we moved East in Texas, our first observation was that they have "real trees" here. We have many in our backyard, and two huge ones in front of our house. When you live in the brand new neighborhoods in Suburbia, USA, as we always have, you just don't see "real trees" anymore. I have two tree memories to share. One, is at my Dad's childhood home in Clio, Michigan. In the backyard of my grandparents' house there is a tree that my dad told us he remembered planting as a kid with my grandfather. My grandparents are gone now, and the house isn't in the family anymore and for me, those kind of memories made it hardest to let go. In turn, at our first house, Dan and Bryce planted a Sycamore tree when Bryce was about 2. Again, when we sold that house, one of the sentimentalities felt by us was leaving "our tree." Mushy, I know, but I'm just kinda' that way. Finally, I can't think about trees without noting one of my favorite stories, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. The boy and the tree who loved him... what wisdom and simplicity. If you haven't read it in a while, give it a once-over, you'll be glad you did.

Protection

For some reason, seeing this soldier on my kitchen counter made me laugh. It epitomizes life with three little boys and toys. I'm glad we're protected!

Mocha and Me

Last night we watched the movie, Marley and Me as a family. I'd been putting off watching the movie because I really wanted to read the book first. However, there haven't been very many books read by me lately unless they are brought to me by a 3 or 5 year old before bedtime. So, we watched the movie. It was good and it has stayed with me, as some movies do. What I mean is that I keep thinking about it. Our story is Mocha and Me. We've had other dogs since Mocha, but she is our Marley. Fortunately, she wasn't bad like Marley, but she was our quintessential dog, the one who started our family and stayed by our side for so many of the firsts. The first house, the first baby, the first jobs. She passed away 10 years after we brought her to our home, and we cried, literally for days and weeks, and even though we have two newish dogs, Bryce, our oldest still cries for Mocha when he sees her in a home video or picture, and she is in all of them, because she was always there. She loved us as much as we loved her. RIP Mocha, 1997-2007, we still miss you.

Is it okay for me to do it if you don't see me doing it?

Did that title get your attention? Well, my three year old, Rylan made me laugh tonight. He came to the dinner table with his hair all slicked back with soap and water, yes SOAP. So, a little bit later when I was getting him ready for his shower, I said, "Mommy doesn't want to see you put soap in your hair anymore." Do you know what's coming next? Rylan says, "What if you don't see me doing it?" Ahhh....

I Don't Want to Forget

Tonight at the Easter program at church, Bryce leaned over to me and said, "I like what you're wearing, Mommy." You know, it just doesn't get much better than that. God has blessed me with three special little boys who are developing their own individual personalities, gifts, and talents. Bryce seems to be my sensitive child, and definitley a Mommy's boy. He picks up on my feelings the most, and tonight I had been tense getting out of the house on time, etc., and I think he was trying to say something to me to make me feel good. I love that little boy. And, to me, he'll always be Mommy's little boy.

Let Them Be Little

Jayden just before he scored today in his first soccer game

Bryce giving Rylan a "piggy bank" ride today

Bryce, Jayden, and Rylan 2005

I heard a song on a friend's playlist tonight that gave me that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I often write about how if only I could freeze time.




I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand. Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute. How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink. Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon.

Jayden 2003

So let them be little, cause they're only that way for a while. give them hope, give them praise, give them love, every day. Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle. oh, just let them be little. Bryce, Jayden, and Grandma 2003

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch. I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes. Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see. Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is... Jayden 2003

Let them be little... so innocent, a precious soul, you turn around. Its time to let them go.

Bryce, Dan, Jayden 2004

Let them be little.

Time

The passage of time is a funny thing, isn't it? Tonight, Dan was downloading and playing some our old country favorites, the old George Strait, Brooks n Dunn, Clint Black songs, and instantly I was taken back to a different time in my life, a time when I didn't meal plan, a time when I didn't drive a minivan (still can't believe I do!), a time when I didn't sit on the floor of my bedroom sorting 4 different sizes of athletic socks, a time when my thirties were seemingly so far away.

1995

Pleasure in the Flowers

Excerpt from A Prayer in Spring
by Robert Frost (1915)

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

I had actually never planted flowers myself before today. Well, today I had two little helpers, but I've never been in charge of the project before today. I'll keep you updated on how my little flower garden grows.

Rylan's Eye View

Tonight we went to watch the Hooks Lady Hornets Softball for the first time. Unexpectedly, Dan is coaching softball this season. Softball is a new spectator sport for us, as he hasn't coached softball since Bryce was a baby, and that was not at the high school level. Man, those girls can pitch fast! It hurts me to watch! I only planned on staying a little while, but we almost stayed through both games of the doubleheader. The boys were able to run around and play since the area was small and contained, so it was a totally different experience than our usual spectator sport, Dan's Varsity basketball games.

Rylan's Eyes

Anyhoo, using my cell phone camera often occupies Rylan's time at games. Tonight's pictures present a three year old's perspective on the world.

Watching Daddy head back to the dugout after a brief break in between games

Oh, and I apologize for my pose, the photographer told me exactly how to pose, and was adament I follow his directions.

Funny how three year olds see mostly legs...

Hoping you'll enjoy the pictures as much as I do.

In true 3 yr old spirit, the photographer insists his subjects make silly faces.

He even got one of Daddy on the field.

Photographing big brother Jayden

No Bryce in these pics... kinda' bittersweet that my biggest boy is growing up and not with us as much. Tonight he went with a friend and his dad to the batting cages, and didn't join us until the end of the game.

Tribute

Bryce had a school program tonight, which has left me feeling reflective and sentimental.

I just wish I could slow down time a little bit. The boys are so full of life, and so not-full of issues right now. Life is so fun for them, with no real worries or anxieties. No wonder Jesus called the little children to him. I couldn't feel more blessed! I found this poem which if I was a poet, could have been written by me.

My Son Grows Up (author: unknown)

Life is fleeting, years rush past... and little boys grow up so fast!

Let me take time out to be thankful mine is still here with me.

And though I'm busy through the day, let me take time out to play...

Let me take time out to smile, to sit with him for just a while...

Let me take time out for walks, for swings and sports and quiet talks,

for sharing giggles, tickles, and hugs, for patching knees and catching bugs...

for running races, climbing trees, for helping with his A - B - C's...

For hatching plots and planning schemes, for listening to his thoughts and dreams.

Let me tuck him in at night, hear his prayers, turn off the light.

And when my busy day is done, let me thank God I have a son.